By Kelly Maue

Some days, months – and even years – are just plain heavy. When bad things happen, these tumultuous times test us. The goal is to recover and come through on the other side stronger and more capable. But sometimes it feels impossible to bounce back after something goes terribly wrong. How well we cope and recover depends on our resilience.

Adapting well through tragedy, trauma, and adversity is an important life skill. Resilience won’t make the challenge disappear, but it helps us navigate through it. The stressor is still there, but so is the ability to handle it – as opposed to emotionally shutting down.

Think of resilience as a reservoir of strength to draw upon when needed. But it’s more than just making it through a challenging time, it’s using that trying experience to learn and grow. The good news is that resilience isn’t rigid or finite; it’s a dynamic trait that you can learn and develop. There are a few key parts, such as emotional discipline, which is being able to stay calm under pressure and control reactions; problem-solving skills, or the ability to think outside the box; and drawing upon social support networks for help. 

So how do we become more resilient? There are many actionable ways to nurture and develop this trait, which is more accurately a response of thoughts, behaviors, and actions. 

The mental game is huge. Healthy thinking, an optimistic outlook, and emotional regulation are all key. Many things are out of our control, but we can choose how to interpret and respond to them. Reframe negative thinking so that challenges become growth opportunities. Practice positive self-talk, show gratitude for the good things, and always hold on to hope. 

Be self-aware. Mindfulness means paying attention to thoughts, feelings, and the present moment without judgment. It is gentle and nurturing. Remember and reflect on past hardships and give yourself credit for making it through them. But also know when to ask for help and support. 

Practice problem-solving skills. Change is inevitable, so cognitive flexibility is critical. Think outside of the box to identify obstacles, break them down, and find possible solutions. Shift your focus to what’s within your control and try to look at things with a long lens to gain perspective. Many issues don’t deserve our time, worry, and discomfort.

Find purpose. Meaningful work, relationships, activities, or volunteering can help get us out of bed each morning. The resulting feelings of self-worth then become a foundation for emotional resilience. This sense of value helps us recover after a setback and realize that a challenge or failure doesn’t define us.  

Build connections and join groups. Lean on a network of family, friends, mentors, and other trusted individuals. A reliable support system makes sure we aren’t going through tough times alone. 

Foster wellness. Physical and mental exercise, good nutrition, and sleep and relaxation can help reduce the impact of stress. And try other techniques, such as deep breathing or yoga, to help manage difficult emotions.  

Set achievable goals. Take small steps that create momentum and build confidence. These accomplishments help build a personal belief that you can finish a task and succeed. And this success helps solidify the notion that situations can improve. 

Resilience isn’t about avoiding setbacks. It’s the process of adapting, learning, and continuing to grow despite them. So, work on that resilience muscle. It can help you get through the next adversity, stronger and more confident. 

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